Dear Electronic Arts:
I enjoy your Medal of Honor games, but I would enjoy them a LOT more if you would put some goddamn checkpoints in the missions. Greasing Nazis with PPsH? Fun. Getting to the final part of a mission, dying, and having to restart all the way the beginning? Not fun.

Dear ACLU:
Nicole and I support civil liberties and have in the past given money to causes we believe in. That does not mean we want to receive three phone calls a day that try to guilt-trip us into donating money. And if we ignore the calls IDed as coming from the ACLU, don’t then call us as “Hilary” to get through because we are ignoring you for a reason. The same goes for anyone who wants to bug me at home.

Dear Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon:
Walk the Line was a great movie and you both nailed your roles. If you had told me that you were both going to do all your own vocals, I would have said that you’re crazy. Then I would have eaten my words, because damn the singing is spot on. Johnny and June would be proud.

Dear PDF Publisher:
Don’t use the OGL to create a “new” product based on a rules set Green Ronin designed and then promote yours as being one of kind. It’s obviously not, since you took the rules from one of our books. Also, do not get the title of our book wrong in your Section 15. That’s just adding insult to injury.

Dear Cult Master:
You and your minions really need to stop comparing what you do to punk rock. Autocracy and conformity are not punk.