The Naked Treehouse

Last week I was taking the bus downtown to do a bank and post office run. I was trying to get some checks deposited before 3 so I took the 2:30 bus, which is earlier than I usually go. Turned out the teenagers had just gotten out of school and the bus was packed, so I had to go all the way to the back and sit in the middle of the last row of seats. I pulled out a copy of Honour of the Grave by Robin Laws and started reading. On my left there was a pimply faced teenager with baggy pants half way down his ass, but I didn’t pay him any attention. Not so the two young girls who bounced down the aisle. They had their eyes on him and walked right up to introduce themselves.

“Would you like to join our naked treehouse?” the skinny one asks energetically. Baggy pants looks boggled. “Your what?” he asks.

“Our naked treehouse,” the Latina girl says. “We have a treehouse and if you join our club you can come there and get naked. We also have pool parties.”

“What do I have to do to join?” he asks, the hint of suspicion in his voice.

“Well,” the skinny girl says, “You have to either get naked right here, right now or you have to learn our special handshake.”

I nearly interjected, “Dude, your pants are already half off, go for it!” Instead, I hid my big smirk behind my book and just listened. The teenagers soon established that they were all 16 years old. The girls also said they went to a private Christian school downtown with only 30 students. Ah, Christian school girls, it all made so much sense.

After the guy made it clear he wasn’t going to get naked on the bus, the girls decided to show him the special handshake. It started with with three big jerking off motions and a grunt and got weirder from there. I found it really hard not to laugh.

At this point a police officer got on the bus and girls said, “Oh, maybe we should ask him to join our naked treehouse.” The skinny one starts yelling over the cop. “Excuse me, Mr. police officer!” She finally gets his attention but then changes tactics. She says, “Do you have a dollar? A dollar!”

The cop, to his credit, gives them a whithering glance and says, “J-O-B.”

Soon after the cop and baggy pants get off the bus, so I figure the entertainment is over. But oh no, the girls then turn their attention to me. “What about you? Do you want to join our naked treehouse?”

I said, “Oh, I don’t think that’s a good idea, considering.”

The Latina girl says, “Oh, don’t worry, we don’t discriminate based on age. Anyone is welcome in the naked treehouse.”

“Yeah, but I think the authorities frown on that sort of thing.”

They consider this then ask, “If you were 16, would you join our naked treehouse?”

“Oh, absolutely,” I reply. And I’m not lying. Where were these girls when I was 16?

At this piont my stop comes up. I get up to go and say, “Good luck with your naked treehouse, girls.”

“Thanks!” they say, with utmost perkiness.

It was the most entertaining bus ride I’ve had in quite some time. And I got a great reaction out of Nicole at game night when I said, “Two 16 years old girls asked me to join their naked treehouse today.”

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