When Public Transit Goes Wrong

I was sitting on the bus on the way home from work last night trying to ignore the press of people around me and concentrate on a book. This guy sits down next the woman in front of me and he notices that she has just bought a George Foreman Grill. He then launches into a 15 minute monolog that stuns everyone on the bus senseless. This is what it was like, though I can only give an approximation. It was too surreal to describe accurately.

“Wow, George Foreman! I haven’t seen him in a few years. Man, I love George Foreman. He was a great boxer. He was the heavyweight champion. Did you know he fought Muhammad Ali? He lost though, but Muhammad Ali was the best. He was the best boxer of all time. There’ll never been a boxer greater than him. Well, unless God were to make one but I don’t think he will. Muhammad Ali is the best. Well, he was the best. Now he has Parkinson’s disease and he can barely talk. That’s sad. He took too many blow to the head, you see? Too many heavy, heavy blows. So today he doesn’t box but back in the day he was the best. He has a daughter too. She’s a great boxer like her father. She’s knocked out like 30 opponents. Muhammad Ali though, he was the best. I’m sorry, you don’t have to get up! I’ll try to be quiet.

“It’s just that I love Muhammad Ali. God put me on this earth to preach about the greatness of Muhammad Ali.

“George Foreman, he was great too, though he got beat by Muhammad Ali. That grill there, that’s a great piece of equipment. You’re going to enjoy that for years. You may even be able to pass it on to your children like an heirloom. Well, if you have children that is. And you have to take care of it. You can’t abuse it or you won’t be able to pass it on to your children. But if you keep it clean, you’ll get years of enjoyment out of it. It’s got George Foreman’s name on it. It’s the best. “Oh man, I guess I should stop talking or they’re going to kick off the bus. But Muhammad Ali was the greatest.”

It was a looong 15 minutes.

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