Since 1998 the film Blade has been the clear winner for the “Worst Action Movie Tag Line”. At the end of the film, just before he dispatches the baddie, Blade growls, “Some muthafuckas are always trying to iceskate uphill!” It was agonizingly lame and I hadn’t heard anything as bad in an action movie…until today.
I flipped on the TV this afternoon to have some background noise while I was answering e-mail. The film XXX was on and I had never seen it. For good reason too, because man does it suck. Playing D&D; may have taught Vin Diesel something about courage, but it did not teach him anything about acting. Ugh. Anyway, at the end of the flick, while XXX is trying to disable the biological weapon that’s about to blow, he says (to the weapon apparently, since no one else is there), “Welcome to the Danger Zone!” And yes, you can hear the capital letters in Danger Zone. Not only is the tag line lame in and of itself, it’s even worse because it brings to mind “Highway to the Danger Zone,” the execrable Kenny Loggins song featured in the very 80s Top Gun.
I’m not quite ready to make the call yet, but for the first time in years there is a new contender.
UPDATE: It has come to my attention that XXX is, in fact, even worse than suspected. The line in question is not “Welcome to the Danger Zone”, but “Welcome to the Xander Zone.” Diesel’s character (such as it is) is named Xander, you see. Oh, it hurts us.