All over the country people are losing their goddamn minds because Donald Trump will be the Republican nominee for president. I’m seeing a lot of reactions that take his election as a fait accompli and for the next six months you’re going to see a metric ton of bullshit from the media, the idiot pundits, and all your racist relatives. They are all going to try to convince you that this is a horse race and that we could very well be heading into a future in which you’d have to say “President Trump” with a straight face. The media has to tell you this because they need this to be a story that sells and makes their “news” profitable. The Republicans need to believe this because they can’t very well admit that they have royally fucked themselves already. I’m here to tell you that Donald Trump has already lost this election and when I’m proved right in November, Trump is going to owe me 1 billion dollars. Because hey, if he can make shit up every day, so can I.
Now let me be clear about a couple of things. First of all, you need to fucking show up in November and vote. Untold harm has been done to America because the reasonable people stayed home during the midterm elections and let the Tea Party lunatics take over congress and too many state houses. You want to see your future if you don’t vote? Look at Kansas under Sam “The Disaster” Brownback, Florida under Rick “The Reptile” Scott, or Wisconsin under Scott “My Asshole Face Needs Punching” Walker. These are despicable people who have fucked their states into ruin and they got into power because too many people didn’t bother to vote.
Second, either Clinton or Sanders could defeat Trump. I (vastly) prefer Bernie and caucused for him here in Washington State (aside: caucuses are stupid and anti-democratic and we should stop having them). And yes, I see you quiver about the Bernie or Bust people but let’s get real. When election day comes and people are facing the choice of anyone or Donald Trump, the vast majority of them are going to vote against Trump. They may rage and holler now as the primaries are still a going concern, but it’s going to be a different story in six months.
Now I could list out the many faults of Donald Trump but I don’t have to. You know he’s desperately unqualified and his candidacy is a joke. “But Chris,” I hear you say, “he won all those primaries and no matter how many stupid, racist things come out of his mouth, he kept winning.” Yes, that’s true, he did win those primaries. But do you know who Donald Trump won over? The Republican base. And what is the Republican base? They are the most ignorant, regressive, knuckle-draggers in the nation. They are the last gasp of white anger and neo-Confederate dreams of a return to the “good old days.” And they are less than a quarter of the population.
The Republican base is not the majority. Remember that. They like to pretend they are but it’s a lie and that’s why Donald Trump has already lost. He has the support of the extreme right wing and the Republican diehards. Either Bernie or Hillary will clean his clock in a general election.
So please, don’t lose your head. Show up in November and Trump will be drubbed worse than Romney. Then we’ll all laugh and Trump will legally owe me 1 billion dollars.