Note to My Fuckin’ Mailman (plus Bonus Rant)

Just because something can bend, doesn’t mean it should. When you get a package that is clearly a book, please walk the one whole block from the mailbox to my porch and leave it there. Now maybe I just expect too much, but I’d really appreciate it if the next $30 art book I got in the mail wasn’t rolled up and shoved into my tiny mailbox like John Holmes violating a 14 year old virgin.

While I’m at it, I’d also like to make a note to convention goers. Please learn to use the toilet like a goddamned human being. It is not difficult. Do your business, wipe yourself, and flush the friggin’ toilet. That last part is particularly important because I don’t want to see you vile mess when I try to use the john. Also, do your best to confine your foulness to the actual toilet. Refrain from spraying it about the stall, as you are not a wild animal. I’m sure the collectible flumph miniature or the d20 half fiendish drow dragon assassins sourcebook or the convention exclusive Star Wars dildo with your choice of princess or the Galactus taking a dump on the universe statue will all still be there when you’re done, so take the extra few seconds and confine your crap to the crapper.

Thank you for your attention.

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